Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
