Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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