Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
