Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
