Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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