girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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