dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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