I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
