If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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