Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
