I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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