He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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