Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
