I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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