i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
