I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
