That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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