I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
