The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
