im drinking this country out of the recession.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
