We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
