Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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