____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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