Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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