well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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