We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
