idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
