mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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