Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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