she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
