Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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