I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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