she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
