So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
