i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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