I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
