He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
