i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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