You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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