If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
