he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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