someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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