I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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