Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
