careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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