I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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