Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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