So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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