idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
