There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
