Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love you.
Bad choice
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
