my shit smells like andre
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
