Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
