ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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