I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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