Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
