Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
