Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
