I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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