dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
